Is It Okay to Break Up With Someone Who Has a Mental Illness?

Breakups are difficult for everyone involved. Not only is it hard being broken up with, it is hard breaking up with someone. Even making the decision whether or not to stay with someone is hard. Now, if you mix in a mental illness or even two, it makes it that much harder. You might feel guilty for breaking up with someone who is suffering from a mental illness or think that leaving them will make it worse. 

I do not believe that breaking up with someone strictly because of a mental illness is a good reason, as many people are able to live relatively normal lives and have good relationships while also dealing with a mental illness. When the symptoms of their mental illness become an issue is when it makes your everyday life difficult or if you feel unsafe. Some red flags to look out for are:

  • Any form of violence (verbal, physical, or sexual)
  • They have an inability to control their emotions or have a drastic change in emotion
  • Lack of empathy or remorse
  • Narcissistic behaviors (an excessive need for admiration, manipulation, selfishness, patronizing, and demanding)

Regardless of their mental illness, none of these red flags should be ignored. Your safety should always be put first. If you are experiencing any of these red flags, are ultimately unhappy with being with them, or their mental health is affecting your mental health, it is time to consider ending things. No one says that by ending things you will never be together again. Maybe giving them time to work on themselves or work through their own mental illness is what they need to work with you in the long run.

How you handle a breakup with someone with a mental illness is relatively the same as breaking up with someone who does not have a mental illness. There are a few things that you may want to consider when breaking up with them:

  • Break up with them in person not over the phone
  • Try to be as empathetic as you can
  • Be honest with them
  • Understand the mood they are in
  • If they are having issues, it may be worthwhile to wait until they are in a more stable state of being
  • Remember that your safety comes first

How to Help Your Partner With a Mental Illness

In my previous blog post, You Are Not Your Partner’s Mental Illness, I discussed the types of experiences people with mental illnesses can have. I explained that you are not the cause of their experiences and even though it is hard, you should not feel like you are the problem. You should do what you can to help but remember that you are not their therapist and you can only do so much. 

Here are some ways you can help your partner.

  • Embrace empathy
  • Exercise validation
  • Set aside time without distractions to be there for them
  • Provide a safe space with no judgment
  • Let them share what they want- as much or as little as they are comfortable with
  • Don’t try to give them a diagnosis
  • Let them lead the conversation
  • Try not to make assumptions 
  • Ask if they want help finding a solution or if they just want to talk
  • Listen carefully, sometimes people say things without actually saying them
  • Make sure you understand what they mean- repeat back what they said to you
  • Offer them support in seeing a professional
  • Help them with their overall wellbeing- plan things such as spa days, face masks, cooking a good meal together, exercise, or any other healthy activity you can do together

It is extremely important to know your limits. If the problem becomes too serious for you to handle on your own, you may need to reach out to a professional. If your partner says or does something that makes you believe they are in immediate danger, do not leave them alone and call your/their therapist, a local crisis center, or bring them to your local emergency room. If you do not feel safe bringing them or they refuse to go to the emergency room, call 911.

You Are Not Your Partner’s Mental Illness

Being with someone who has a mental illness can be difficult at times. Mental illnesses, such as anxiety or depression, can affect your relationship in many ways. According to the Mayo Clinic, oftentimes people with mental illnesses will experience things such as: 

  • Feeling sad or down
  • Confused thinking or reduced ability to concentrate
  • Excessive fears or worries, or extreme feelings of guilt
  • Extreme mood changes of highs and lows
  • Withdrawal from friends and activities
  • Significant tiredness, low energy or problems sleeping
  • Detachment from reality (delusions), paranoia or hallucinations
  • Inability to cope with daily problems or stress
  • Trouble understanding and relating to situations and to people
  • Problems with alcohol or drug use
  • Major changes in eating habits
  • Sex drive changes
  • Excessive anger, hostility or violence
  • Suicidal thinking

When your partner is experiencing one or more of these, it can make you feel like you did something wrong or that it’s your fault. You sometimes see these things as choices rather than something they cannot control and you take offense to it. This may cause tension in the relationship, as well as your partner feeling guilt and embarrassment. It is important to know how to help them when you can and know how to effectively communicate. For tips on communication, check out this blog post on opening communication and managing expectations.

Haunted Hotels You Can Actually Stay In

Local Minnesota hotels:

Palmer House Hotel- Sauk Centre

This hotel has been around since 1901- it’s over 100 years old. There have been many investigations done here, including being featured on TV shows. There have been reports of apparitions, voices, and people even claiming they were touched by ghosts! 

The Kahler Grand Hotel – Rochester

This was once part of the Mayo Clinic and included a surgery area and a morgue in the basement. There have been numerous reports by guests and employees of apparitions in this hotel.

The Water Street Inn- Stillwater

This hotel is allegedly haunted by the ghost of a Confederate officer. Employees and guests have reported seeing apparitions and other strange anomalies. 

Calumet Inn- Pipestone

This house is almost 150 years old. The third floor has had many reports of paranormal activities, with the most/strongest being in room 308. There have been reports of flickering lights, apparitions, and electronics failing to work.

Mrs. B’s Historic Lanesboro Inn – Lanesboro

This was once a doctor’s office that was built in 1872. There have been many reports of footsteps, strange energy, flashing lights, and apparitions. 

Other states:

La Fonda on the Plaza- New Mexico

There are many reports of apparitions and paranormal activities taking place here, most of which are reported to be the ghosts of a judge who was shot in the lobby, a businessman who jumped down a well, and a bride that was killed on her wedding night.

RMS Queen Mary- California

The Queen Mary has several reported paranormal areas, including stateroom B340, where a passenger died in 1948. For 60 years guests have reported apparitions, strange noises, and paranormal energy.

Omni Shoreham Hotel- Washington, D.C.

The history of this hotel is mysterious, as two people, a young girl and a maid that was an employee there both died unexpectedly and under unknown circumstances. Guests have reported tons of paranormal activities on this floor such as hearing strange noises and feeling paranormal energy. 

The Stanley Hotel- Colorado

This was Stephen King’s inspiration for the Overlook Hotel in his novel, “The Shining.” There are many reports of spirits and other paranormal entities wandering the halls as well as strange noises and paranormal energy.

The Marshall House- Georgia 

This property was used as a hospital during the war and again during the yellow fever epidemics. There have been many reports from guests saying they have seen ghosts and heard children running up and down the halls. Considering how many deaths have taken place on this property, it makes sense for it to be a paranormal hotspot.

How to Have a Cozy Halloween Night in

Don’t feel like going out for Halloween? Do you want to play it safe due to COVID? You can still have fun Halloween night by staying in! Here are some things you can do:

Making Pumpkin Seeds From Your Carved Pumpkins

When you are carving your pumpkins this year, try saving the seeds to make your own fresh roasted pumpkin seeds! They are super easy to make and they taste great. 

  1. Save the seeds from your pumpkin 
  2. Wash them off 
  3. Let them dry on a towel
  4. Put the seeds in a bowl and add olive oil and seasonings- I use olive oil, sea salt, and a small amount of pepper
  5. Heat the oven to 350°F 
  6. Spread the seeds evenly along a lightly greased baking sheet
  7. Bake for 11-14 minutes or until they are golden brown- toss the seeds every few minutes for best results

Horror Movies to Watch this Halloween Season

If you’re anything like me, you watch scary movies year round. There is something extra spooky about watching them around Halloween though! Here are some of my favorite horror movies and where you can watch them:

Netflix-

  • The Conjuring
  • The Conjuring 2
  • Before I wake
  • Winchester
  • Eli
  • The Green Inferno
  • Death Note
  • Hush
  • Insidious Chapter 2
  • Unfriended
  • The Haunting in Connecticut 2
  • American Horror Story (this is a TV series- each season has a different theme. You do not need to watch the seasons in order.)

Hulu-

  • IT
  • Children of the Corn
  • Lights Out
  • Paranormal Activity 4
  • Blair Witch
  • No Escape
  • 47 Meters Down
  • Friend Request

HBO Max-

  • The Invisible Man
  • Orphan
  • A Nightmare on Elm Street
  • The Amityville Horror
  • Ouija: Origin of Evil
  • Annabelle: Creation
  • Poltergeist

Most Haunted Cities in the US

New Orleans, Louisiana
New Orleans has many places that have been reported as haunted, which isn’t surprising considering the town’s history in slavery, voodoo, war, and more. There are churches, hospitals, houses, cemeteries, and many other places that people claim to be haunted.

Chicago, Illinois
Chicago has a rich history from the great Chicago fire, to mob and criminal history. Hundreds of people died in the Nederlander Theatre in the early 1900s, which makes the area known as being haunted. Chicago is also home to the United States’ first known serial killer named H.H. Holmes, who killed many, many people. The site was known as “Murder Castle.”


Savannah, Georgia
Savannah is one of the top rated haunted cities. There are so many places that are considered haunted, such as homes, hotels, restaurants, and more. Reports of apparitions at some of these locations have made them highly visited places. The town has been featured on ghost hunting shows as well.


St. Augustine, Florida
St. Augustine is home to a museum that is known for being haunted by girls who drown there in the 1800s. People visiting this town have reported apparitions and other paranormal activities.

Portland, Oregon
Portland has a dark history regarding their underground tunnels. They were used in the 1800s to transport locals who were kidnapped from the bars and taken to ships. It is said they were sent to other countries and never seen again.

Gettysburg, Pennsylvania
Gettysburg is the site of one of the bloodiest, most brutal parts of the Civil War. It ranks in one of the most haunted places in the world! People have reported seeing apparitions of soldiers all around the area from where the battle took place, to the nearby farmland, and even local hotels.


Washington, D.C.
Washington D.C. is where the White House is located. To many people’s surprise, it is known for being haunted by former presidents such as Abraham Lincoln, William Henry Harrison, and even some of the first ladies.

San Francisco, California
San Francisco is well known for Alcatraz being a large attraction that is reported as haunted but there are some other places in the area too. One of them being Mare Island Naval Shipyard, China Camp State Park, and the USS Hornet.


Salem, Massachusetts
Salem is most known for the Salem witch trials. There were 19 people who were tortured and executed. People have reported many apparitions of ghostly figures. One of the ghosts that is said to haunt the area, especially the Howard Street Cemetery, is Giles Corey who was also accused of witchcraft.

San Antonio, Texas
San Antonio is another city that has a rich history. There were thousands of deaths because of The Battle of the Alamo. People have reported apparitions of soldiers and hearing their cries.


Charleston, South Carolina
Charleston is yet another city that has so much history to it- which isn’t all good. There have been reports of apparitions of soldiers from the Civil War. There is a history of pirates from early times. It is also known for the history of voodoo being practiced.

World Mental Health Day

This Sunday is World Mental Health Day. It is an internationally recognized day to advocate for mental health awareness and education. On average, 1 in 5 people experience mental illness in a year. It is important to recognize the signs of a mental illness and how to improve your mental health. 

The Mayo Clinic states:

Signs and symptoms of mental illness can vary, depending on the disorder, circumstances and other factors. Mental illness symptoms can affect emotions, thoughts and behaviors.

Examples of signs and symptoms include:

  • Feeling sad or down
  • Confused thinking or reduced ability to concentrate
  • Excessive fears or worries, or extreme feelings of guilt
  • Extreme mood changes of highs and lows
  • Withdrawal from friends and activities
  • Significant tiredness, low energy or problems sleeping
  • Detachment from reality (delusions), paranoia or hallucinations
  • Inability to cope with daily problems or stress
  • Trouble understanding and relating to situations and to people
  • Problems with alcohol or drug use
  • Major changes in eating habits
  • Sex drive changes
  • Excessive anger, hostility or violence
  • Suicidal thinking

Here are some ways you can improve your mental health:

  • Find people you trust who you can talk to (friends, family, therapist, etc.)
  • Exercise regularly
  • Focus on self-care
  • Learn new skills
  • Eat well
  • Manage stress
  • Take care of your physical health
  • Get plenty of sleep
  • Deep breathing exercises
  • Talk to your doctor

By coming together and recognizing World Mental Health Day, we can help end the stigma around mental health. So many people are impacted by a mental illness- it’s time we start educating and advocating. 

Breast Cancer Awareness Month

October is breast cancer awareness month! It is recognized to help increase awareness of the ongoing fight. In addition to breast cancer awareness month, National Mammography day is recognized on the third Friday of October each year. Almost everyone knows someone who is affected by breast cancer as 1 in 8 women are diagnosed. 

The CDC states some warning signs of breast cancer are—

  • New lump in the breast or underarm (armpit).
  • Thickening or swelling of part of the breast.
  • Irritation or dimpling of breast skin.
  • Redness or flaky skin in the nipple area or the breast.
  • Pulling in of the nipple or pain in the nipple area.
  • Nipple discharge other than breast milk, including blood.
  • Any change in the size or the shape of the breast.
  • Pain in any area of the breast.

To get screened, contact your doctor today. You can get screened in most clinics, hospitals, or doctors offices. For additional information, visit https://www.cdc.gov/cancer/breast/index.htm.